Listen to Me, Soul.

God is good.

God is kind.

He is gentle.

Please unwind.

A Prayer For Southside Fellowship

Father,
Thank you for the place we are at. We are growing in love and grace, and our hearts are being filled with praise. You truly have made a wonderful church here and many people love to call it their home. But, Lord, sometimes people marvel in the church leadership and not in you. Sometimes people give the leadership the glory and not the Holy Spirit. Lord, just like any good thing, our church has the potential to become twisted. Lord, we may become arrogant in ourselves. We may become prideful and look disdainfully at other churches. Dogmatic. Lord, if ever we begin to think or believe in such a way as to greatly defame your name - get rid of us. Let us not stand in your way. If pride, then let us fall. If arrogance, prove us wrong. Jesus, if we are not following you in everything we do, steer us straight. Be gracious and merciful, yes, but I pray that we would not get in your way. Your name is too important. Let us be a light to your fame. Let every hand that marvels in this place point to you. To you, and you alone.

Death = Life

I am slowly losing my existence.  "Me" is mattering less and less as time goes.  I am dying a slow death.  As my life light fades, joy inside me grows.  Peace and contentment take its place.  This death has its pangs, but replacing this bitter experience comes a life outside my control filled with power and love.  Life to its fullest.  Life everlasting.  I must die if I am to live.

I have been praying, "Help Me, God" for a while now.  And I am beginning to see that this prayer will never leave my lips.  I've just been saying it more and more.  It bugs me.  It truly does, that I would need so much help - to be this helpless.  Its humbling.  

I hold my journals in my hands and see proof of my constant need.  Page after page after page of my own shortfalls.  Getting older doesn't necessarily replace your shortfalls - it just makes them more and more vivid as you continually fail time and again.  My need of Him is just getting greater.  I am nothing apart from my Jesus.  And it hurts to know that sometimes.  Its hard to admit that I can't do anything on my own, that I am in no way independent of my God.  I am a weakling - that's hard to swallow.  A weakling.  But it is the truth for everyone.  Even those who think they are strong - they are the weakest.

Lord, become greater as I grow lesser.  Glorify yourself in me.

A Spiritually Physical Tapestry

It has seemed to me as of late that the whole of creation is some sort of spiritually physical tapestry.  This is going to be difficult to explain.

The more I study God and get to know his character and intentions for man, the more I see it reflected in creation.  How is it that fruit growing on a vine is a perfect metaphor for our growth in Christ? As long as we are connected to the source, we will bear our fruit.  The same goes for fruit in any capacity.  It is what comes from the glorious process involving things out of the plant's control - namely, water and sunlight.  The tree cannot do much outside of its power-source. In fact, it would die.  Same with us.  We are spiritually dead apart from Christ.  Another example, how is it that sex so perfectly represents the oneness of Christ and the church?  Christ is in us.  We are a part of Him.  One.  Another example - light and dark.  It just baffles me that Jesus being the light in a sinful world works so incredibly perfect as a metaphor.  

It might seem weird to you that it would be weird to me, but let me explain a little further.  I don't think it would be entirely accurate to say that God created sex and fruit and light to be a metaphor of himself or our relationship with him.  Part of the reason might be because all those things are great and should be enjoyed.  Simple as that.  But the fact that these things can be such perfect metaphors in and of themselves seems purposeful to me - almost as if the connection between the spiritual world and physical world was inevitable.  It just seems to fit so perfectly.  A world randomly formed with random creatures on it formed by accident would not make this much sense.  This is getting more difficult to explain...

When Noah and his ark-load of life finally landed back on the once-flooded earth, God made a promise that he would never flood the earth again.  Then he sealed it with a sign for Noah and future generations - the rainbow.  Now, scientists today will take a look at the rainbow and say, "see the light is hitting the droplets of the rain and dispersing into its spectrum of colors..." and what not, and they are saying true facts.  But they are missing part of the whole - they are not seeing the entire tapestry.  This natural occurrence is also fully spiritual.  The rainbow is part of God's promise to man.    Sure, its natural - but its also spiritual.  

As I go about day to day I'm seeing this more and more.  The physical world is part of the spiritual.  Let me explain it this way.  I imagine the physical world as a song that you recognize and enjoy as music.  The song has lyrics you love to sing along to but you don't get the language they're sung in - the language of the spiritual world.  Those lyrics speak the truth of the song as a whole, and while you can still enjoy the song (or hate the song) without knowing what it means, the entirety of the song's meaning comes in the understanding of the lyrics as well.  Thus, the physical - spiritual connection.  

I don't know... It makes so much sense in my head.  I just can't get it out...  It's like a mist in the morning.  I just can't put it in a jar.

I'm tired.  Seeya.

A First-Person Parable

I once saw a man who was smiling as he walked. It bothered me that the lower half of his face appeared to be joyous, but looking in his eyes I saw no happiness. Pain came from behind those windows. He had black hair, a comb-over, and wore a striped suite that was well beyond its years of glory. Ya, it was pretty ratty. Thick glasses, with a crack in one of the lenses. His hands were in his pockets, his elbows clutched at his sides, and his wrist brandishing a horribly fake Rolex watch. He looked tense. Yet his mouth was smiling.  

As he passed me I smelled the thickest cologne a man could wear, while underneath was the distinct scent of body odor. Then I noticed that the left side of his suite was dirty and wrinkled. It appeared to have been slept on. And, taking a closer look at his face, streams of tears had washed away dirt and grime, leaving thin tracks of clean skin down towards his jawline. He was pretty skinny too. But he kept smiling.  

It bothered me. I felt compassion for the man. That smile was as fake as the Rolex on his wrist. Everything about him seemed contrived. He was trying really hard to beat the world. To make it what he wanted - to will it better. He was failing miserably. I felt sad for him. He passed me by, though, and I kept walking.

Then I saw a lady. She was wearing the same smile, but pain screamed from behind her eyes. She appeared clean-cut from far away, but she was far from it when I came closer. It felt weird to me. What was wrong with her? And the guy that just passed me? But I soon noticed that everyone, every living soul that I passed on the street that day was trying to appear their best, but their contrivance fell away when close up.  

Everyone was trying to make it on their own. Smiling through their pain, trying to force themselves to be happy, one misstep away from total break-down. They all needed something, but it was missing. When I looked in their eyes I could see an infinitely deep hole inside that needed to be filled. But their faces spoke nothing of the hole. You would think they had no clue it was even there. Yet they kept walking. Kept smiling. It was puzzling, but everyone kept moving. And so did I.

Draw Me Home

While parachuting in,

Wind, sky, and sights

Were all I could see.

I landed in the sea,

Parachute on me,

Now I'm trapped inside.

I am adrift,

In an ocean of gray

What'm I to pray?

Want to feel free

Just to be me

But the blind can't see.

Once I saw it on the waves.

A floating bull-horn - 

Said "Jesus" on the side...

I picked it up 

And could talk to God.

Said, "Help this lonely one."

Through the clouds

Burst golden Son

Passing nimbus wisps away.

Jesus, my Friend, 

God's only son,

Swept down on me that day.

Fill me with daylight, Lord.

Take away my fear

The ocean still is near.

I want to rest,

Float on my back,

And let you draw me home.

To Find Our Way

The more I live, the more I realize how much people don't have life figured out.  It's actually pretty funny.  I watch people on Capitol Hill, my friends and family, my leaders and co-workers, and I'm really beginning to see that everyone is just trying to find their way.  I've been waiting for 23 years to figure out life or at least see one of my brothers do it, and my brothers and I just get farther and farther away from a sense of arrival.  

The economy has really got me thinking.  One little burp in the financial giant that is our country  and everyone starts FREAKING out.  I'm not saying that its not real and that people haven't lost their jobs. In fact, I'm very close to people who have and I've felt some of the effects as well (and probably more to come). But I am saying that our sense of security is just seriously rocked when we see stuff get out of control.  Ironically, people start spending money - and lots of it - when we lose money in order to get the money back.  We're probably just digging a deeper hole.  But that's just to say we have little control at all in this life, and when confronted with it, we begin to see how very alone we are.  Unless there's a God.

If there is no God - you should be scared. Very scared.  You should panic.  You should.  Because there is no one in control.  Sure, I guess you could put your faith in Obama or in Rush Limbaugh or someone else, but humans have an astounding track record for failure.  I wouldn't bet on any of them - except one.  And lucky for us, there is a God.  A very kind God.  A God who is in control of everything and loves you and me deeper than the ocean, higher than the stars, and farther than the horizon.  He has you on his mind at all times and he LOVES you.  Don't forget it.  Hold on to it.  Push it inside your heart and let it warm you there.  God loves you and knows exactly what is going on.

He.

Controls.

It.

He.

Loves.

You.